On Thanksgiving eve, I sit in my kitchen waiting for the smoke to clear; burned tray of cookies in the garbage. No one is perfect. Me least of all in the kitchen. And pretty much at every holiday, I make this kind of mistake. Sometimes, there's a fire truck. Sometimes, just the fire alarm. This time, doors and windows were opened, and fans turned on. Just burned cookies this time. No firefighters. No one gets it right all the time. I seem to never learn the timing thing in the kitchen. It made me reflect on our expectations, both for ourselves and for others-particularly our kids. Let me say it again: no one is perfect. Thank goodness. And wouldn't life be dull if it was? We all mess up. Sometimes it's little things like a batch of cookies left too long, other times much, much bigger and more important things. Life is hard. Sometimes we get it wrong. Very wrong. And we ask for forgiveness. And hope that the people we love will grant it. But that's life, right? It wouldn't be nearly so interesting if it always went right. And we wouldn't be who we are if we always got it right.
I think about my students. Seniors mostly and anxiously working on essays for college. Anxious about not getting into the "right" school. Their parents as well, understandably anxious, because all they want is for their kids to be ok. Parents worry. That's what we do. We just want our kids to be ok. Happy even. Best yet, successful. And so, we try to help, steer, aid, make sure they're alright. It's a natural instinct. Instead, what we should do is let them fend for themselves, get it wrong, and then figure it out. Our children, particularly post pandemic, have been sheltered. We took care of them. We felt badly that their lives were derailed and they were stuck in their rooms for hours on end staring at a screen. So we helped. We opened their snacks, delivered lunch, tried to make their lives easier. But now, it's time. Back to reality. Our kids need help. We need to step away, let them fail, and allow them to struggle. Sure, when it's too much, we need to step in, but we also need to step away. Often. And we, as parents, need to remember that they're going to be ok. Even if they don't get into the 'right' college. Even if they don't get A's or even B's. Let them learn. Let them struggle. Help them understand that they'll be ok, even if they don't get it right all the time. Life will be more interesting. They will learn to be kind to themselves, accept the failures as well as the successes. And they won't freak out when they burn the cookies. They'll laugh, hopefully, and put another tray in the oven and watch it more closely. Happy Thanksgiving.
